It’s sort of strange, it’s something new, I’ve been fascinated by this sort of entrepreneurial spirit. Reading in Vanity Fair about people like Anya Hindmarch, who began her now-global brand at the age of 18, just hard work, confidence and an idea; and these kids who started a co-op in their local beach town. To feel your youth and that you have nothing to lose – I envy them that. I don’t think I could ever have the moxie to do it myself, nor do I have something I passionately want to commit to in that regard; but even so the idea of it is somehow thrilling. A sort of adventure in which failure is possible, but the fall isn’t so far down, because your life is still trial-and-error.
It’s odd how, because of luck and what I have – what I’ve saved up over the years, or the potential my education is supposed to say I have – I do feel like I have something to lose, like I’m beholden to all that in some way. And why should I be? It’s meant to be a cushion, not a responsibility. I felt the same way as soon as I graduated college, when the page was meant to be completely blank. I felt just as panicked and without options, despite consciously knowing anything was possible. And still is. That attitude, like a mis-gauged factory setting, is a problem for me – perhaps not one to be dealt with today, but to think about in general, when things are better and more settled. The question of freedom. Because I was raised to believe that we’re free and can choose what we want, where we want, choose our destinies – but then so much seems to depend on other people. And our own perceptions turn out to limit us more than anything real.