love letter to the mediterranean

I looked out at the clear green water and the rough, sun-bleached rocks, and the more beautiful it was, the sadder it made me. The beauty only reminded me of what I had lost, and as always, I couldn’t believe that I would ever be so lucky again.

Why is it — that curse and blessing of the human condition — that we see whatever we are experiencing as a pinnacle, and we’ll never have it so good again, and we can’t imagine ever getting up from where we’ve fallen.

I shouldn’t have been waiting for him, and I wasn’t, not consciously; I tried not to think about him or make hypothetical plans for the future. But I was waiting — there was anticipation in my blood and I let days pass without thought, I was counting even the seconds without noticing it.

I needed to figure out all over again what type of life I wanted to have. Living alone, shopping and cooking for one, having a comfortable place to curl up and read. The wave of liberty that would come after comfort: to be able to walk without destination, buy whatever I liked, wear whatever I wanted; the immense freedom in knowing that in any one moment I might meet someone who would change my life, start something new. It only takes a second and the movie reel changes.

I had to accept that I had no idea anymore what I wanted to do, I only had some ideas about where I wanted to be. Maybe that was enough, to start.


3 responses to “love letter to the mediterranean

  1. I love this. I don’t know what it’s about exactly, but that’s probably why I love it so much. Reinvention is impossible and amazing. Know that.

  2. Thank you so much! The idea was sort of a train of thought seeing a picture that reminded me of someone… I guess I left it a bit vague so you can read into it what you want.

  3. I love the imagery you’ve painted with your words. The feelings, immediately understood. And the pictures. It all brings me back to other lives, in France. When other ways of being were mine, and more possibilities – different possibilities – were still within reach.

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