I sometimes like to say yes to things that nobody expects from me, least of all myself. Do something I wouldn’t previously have thought of as being “me.” The point of this particular brand of contrarianism being that we don’t ever really know what’s “us”, just what has been “us” so far. I think one of the best things we can do in this life is to continue to surprise ourselves. Often the results are very good, broadening my horizons: Dating guys for reasons none of my friends or family could understand (such as the incomprehensible “he makes me happy”). Reading a book I wouldn’t have thought I’d have had interest in, and finding a whole new dimension to my heart in the emotions it stirs up. Taking a spur of the moment trip, alone, and through the highs and lows discovering strength and independence I didn’t know I had.
Other times, however, I just find myself agreeing to things that I really don’t want to do. Current example: I heard myself saying yes, and sounding very enthusiastic, to dog-sitting. Never mind that I’ve never taken care of any dog before, this dog probably weighs more than I do. He could walk me. If he so much as sees a chipmunk across the street, I’m done for. Well, he is just about the most well-behaved ginormous dog I’ve ever met, but the other caveat is that dog-sitting would mean going out to stay on Long Island where this pony-sized dog and his pet humans live. I’m not even a dog person, yet I responded with audible exclamation marks.
I didn’t really realize what I had just said yes to until I was on my way home. I cursed holiday parties, when I start feeling festive, and I want to be nice and helpful so much so that I just can’t say no.
Let’s just hope they change their mind, and I’m off the hook. Because I doubt this particular case is a path to self-discovery, I think it’s just a path to what was I thinking. But worse comes to worst, maybe I’ll be surprised.